Active Listening - Ernesto Spinelli

 Qualities of being listened to: 

·         Bearing witness to who the person is.  Not casting judgment, embracing concerns and being with that person.

·         A sense of really getting someone, really understanding where they are.

·         People can gain a sense of self through being listened to.. Listening is risky because it opens you and the other person to the uncertainty of what is coming out.  Not listening is due to avoiding.

Key factors

As a listener, be willing to adopt a position of uncertainty about what is being stated.  Reveal, ‘I don’t know who you are and what words mean to you.’

In effective listening is when we swamp the speaker’s narrative and put ourselves in the narrative and think about how we would handle the situation.  Where the listener takes ownership, this is disrespectful.

Not take over the person’s narrative and be aware that we put ourselves in the narrative.  Instead focus on 4 key qualities of really listening.

1)  Adopt a position of uncertainty and be open to the unexpected development of the conversation

2) Retain a non-judgmental position therefore not imposing your values, biases and judgments on how things should be

3) Remain descriptively focused with the story.  Focus on the description rather than the analysis of the narrative.  Stick with what and how rather than why.  The picture will become clearer and clearer when sticking to the description.

4) Have an attitude of curiosity which leads to openness as you not assuming you know.